The Eternal Hope of Youth
by nebula2
Summary: Set after the hostage scene of the episode L.D.S.K., this story deals with Hotch's thoughts following the incident. A "missing scene" one-shot.


The paramedics wheeled the covered body of Phillip Dowd out of the hospital. Not for the first time I realize just how lucky we all were to get out of there alive. My gaze falls on the youngest member of my team. I know the things I said hurt him. It hurt me to say them. Hurt me to kick him like I had done. Still it was the only way I could think of to let him get my gun. To put an end to the situation before the local authorities could do something stupid and get a whole lot of us killed. Not only me or Reid but the other hostages too.

Seeing him leaning against the back of the ambulance, arms folded in front of him, I can see the vulnerability there. The doubt. He understood my plans enough to grab my gun from its ankle holster when I was kicking him, but did he know everything said in that room was just part of the charade I was putting on for Dowd.

_"He's made my life miserable for three lousy years."_

Those words couldn't have been further than the truth. Meeting Spencer Reid had been what had revived my passion for my job. He had reminded me why I had joined the FBI in the first place.

_**3 years earlier:**_

SSA Aaron Hotchner sat inconspicuously at the back of the class room observing the trainees in the class. It was week three of the 20 week training program. A program in which he was serving as one of the two field counselors. All because of the BAU Unit Chief SSA Jason Gideon.

Four weeks ago, Hotchner had mentioned to Gideon that he was thinking about resigning from the BAU. It had followed a particularly bad case, one in which the killer they had been hunting had killed the last victim in front of them. A twelve year old girl, which he had stabbed as the agents had surrounded him. Hotch had been the first to reach the girl after the killer had been shot. Had held her as the last bit of life had left her small body.

Gideon had spent the trip back to Quantico talking to him. Helping him sort through his feelings surrounding the whole case. The day after coming back from the case, he had come into work to find out he had been assigned as a field counselor for the next FBI training program. Gideon's response when he had confronted the unit chief had been simple.

_"If you really want to resign you can do it just as easily in 20 weeks as you can now."_

"Anyone care to take a stab at providing a profile for this UNSUB based on these facts," SSA Jericho said from of the front of the classroom, indicating the list that was currently showing on the projector. He looked around the room, taking in each of the trainees gathered in the classroom.

Some trainees kept glancing from their notes to the list at the front of the classroom. Some visibly shrunk down in their seats trying to avoid notice. Others looked at one another as if hoping someone would volunteer and save them from being called on. Hotchner noticed one trainee near the front of the room who appeared deep in thought.

He had noticed the kid before. He tended to keep to himself. Very seldom volunteered to answer questions but always knew the answer when called upon.

Agent Jericho noticed the trainee's intense focus too. "Trainee Reid, would you care to take a stab at it?"

Spencer Reid jumped slightly at the instructor's suggestion. He folded his arms across the front of himself even as he he stuttered an agreement to the request. Agent Hotchner listened as the kid began giving a profile, hesitant at first but gaining confidence as he proceeded. A profiler with the BAU himself, Hotchner was impressed with how well the kid did, It wasn't perfect but it was close and after all the trainees were in the academy to learn. Even experienced agents made mistakes.

At the end of the class, Agent Hotchner made his way to the front of the classroom. FBI Trainee Spencer Reid was slowly gathering his materials as the rest of his classmates moved at a faster speed around him. Stuffing everything in his bag, he put it over his left shoulder and turned to leave to find himself standing face to face with Agent Aaron Hotchner.

"Nice job with the profile," Hotchner told him, a very slight smile gracing his features.

"I messed it up."

"A little, but that happens sometimes even by experienced profilers. Believe me, I'm a profiler myself. We're human, just like everyone else."

"Thank-you, sir," Reid replied looking down at the bag he was holding.

"I've looked into your file. I know you hold three doctorates and two BA's already. Someone with that kind of knowledge could make a valuable member to the BAU team. Have you considered becoming a FBI profiler."

"Actually, sir, that was my goal when I applied for the FBI Academy."

"Personally, I'm surprised you applied to the Academy. You don't fit the personality of most of our trainees. Can you tell me what made you decide to apply?"

Reid glanced up. He knew who he was talking to. Knew that Agent Hotchner was one of the field counselors who were there to offer advice, support and counsel to the trainees. Was Agent Hotchner trying to advise him that he wasn't cut out for the FBI?

"I guess maybe because I've spent my entire life not fitting in with those around me. I was different." Reid glanced down at his bag even as he continued talking. "I was ridiculed because I wasn't like anyone else. My family wasn't like anyone elses I knew. I know how it feels to be scared, alone and hoping for someone to come along to protect you. I'm tired of feeling like that. I want to be someone who can offer protection to those people who feel scared and alone. Catching those who want to prey on people like that, is one way to provide the protection. To provide hope to someone who is about ready to give up on hope."

As he stopped talking, Reid waited for Agent Hotchner to say something. To tell him to pack his bags. When there was no answer, he finally looked up.

"That is probably the most heartfelt, honest answer I've ever received to that question," Agent Hotchner said, once the kid had finally looked up. Most trainees joined the Academy wanting to be like the hero they saw portrayed on TV. Not this kid. This kid had joined with the honest intention of wanting to help people. He remembered feeling that desire himself at one time, but after all the things he had seen, he had started to doubt whether they were helping anyone. "_To provide hope to someone who is about ready to give up on hope." _Those words had struck a chord with him. They didn't save everyone, but sometimes they had good days. Sometimes he got to see the look that was in a victim's eyes when they showed up. Hope. To those they were trying to find, he and his fellow team members were the definition of that word. "Keep that in mind, and you'll be a good agent someday."

"Maybe if I can get through the academy," Reid said, looking back down. "The classroom stuff is easy enough but I don't know if I'm going to make it through firearm training and I just barely passed the first PT test."

"Is this something that you truly want, Trainee Reid?"

Reid looked up at the older agent. "Yes sir, it is," he said, not letting his gaze waiver as he said those words.

"Then if you're willing to put in some extra time, I'll make sure you pass all your tests and graduate in seventeen weeks."

_**Present Day**_:

As the stretcher holding Dowd's body passed by, I started walking toward the ambulance. I had never told Reid he had been the reason I had decided not to resign back then. Perhaps I never would. Right now though, I needed to make sure that Reid had understood that everything in there had been an act. Make sure that he was okay.

I watched Reid as I walked toward him. Saw the hesitant attempt at making eye contact as I approached. It reminded me a lot of that first day I had talked to him.

"You alright?" I asked.


End file.
